Psychiatriat

Since July, I tink I had changes a lot..got a weird attitude...
Laz time wen I study in sunway, I hate to take my dinner alone..i would rather starve than eating alone..
But now, certain of days I don like 2 mix v ppl...I would rather eat alone..coz of lazy to talk 2 any1..even wen I m out v my frenz, I would sit down der quietly...wont talk muj..wad da hell had happened to me?
Become autistic? Should I go 2 a psychiatrist?

When going to work, can talk one whole day, but suddenly can bcome damn quiet without talking 2 any1...seems like some pressures which is indescribable.. da moment I din talk, I would sit down while doing my works, my mind will keep think lots of thing...
Dunno y keep think damn muj..every morning woke up, I will start 2 think until I reach office..even I bathed or drive..

Sumtimes think dat y m I so silly? Did smth which ppl not appreciate at all?
Y m I going 2 waste so muj time?
Humans like to take things for granted. Perhaps become a selfish person is da only way to survive in dis world..o else in da end, will alwiz be da loser.

Wreckage

Nothing is fair in dis world...

The more u sacrifice, the more u r hurt & when u feel u give ur best it all seems not enough until such time u have no choice but to give up....

Tried hard 2 maintained it but seems like worthless..

There is still a wall between us..

Now i finally believe dis phrase..

To build a frenship, it takes years...but to destroy it, juz take a few seconds..

No matter how hard 2 salvage it, still no use..der is still a wreckage at der...cant be remove permanently!!!

Disappointed

You are one of the person who i care and cherish the most.

I just wanna know u better. Rack up my brain in order to pleased you.

But in the end, i get scolded for nothing.

Really totally upset + angry + disappointed!!

IF i really had disturbed you, or you think that i am DAMN irritating, you can speak frankly with me instead of raising your voices at me!!

I know I am just an insignificant person in your life.

I had think one whole night..had figured out where i stand.

I said a lot of things to you. You might think that i am bullshitting with you.

But i can swear to heaven and earth, all da things i said or sms, is true.

Sincerely from bottom of my heart. Not a prank or just want to make you happy.

Whether to trust or not, decision lies on your hands. It's depends on how you think and look at me!!

Perhaps..right from the begining, i should not across the border line.

Should maintained the relationship which on the very first day i know you instead of getting closer!!

But now, everything too late!!

I am the one who caused all these things.

Friday night, one whole night totally can't slp even a wink.

All the things you scolded me, keep flashing in my mind.

I don't know monday how am i going to react nor start a conversation with you!!

Sincerely

busy for so many weeks..now got some spare time to write blog...

laz wed really happened lot of things...after guitar class; went dinner v my colleagues...learn a lot of things fr dem which i nvr expected..indeed is a rare experience...

dat nite cant slp for one whole nite...keep thinking wad dey said n wad u said 2 me...totally is different story...i was damn angry...kept tossing on da bed but still cant figure out da answer..in da end 4 smth i sms u...n waited for ur reply yet u didn reply till da next morning....wen i received da ans i dunno how m i goin 2 react...i sat down der n think 4 a long time n reply u...

i m not goin 2 blame u entirely...but wad i want fr u is juz a vy simple thing...ingenuous n sincere..dat's all...m i asking 2 muj???

i noe u do not haf da obligation 2 tell me all ur things...but at least wad i really want is sincerely..if der is anything u gonna hide, den i tink our conversation is meaningless!!!

by da way, since dat day i ady apologise 2 u, i tink i wont doubt ur words anymore...i oso don want to waste my time 2 rack my brain think dis n dat as i oso got my own problem 2 think...

friday nite, i sms u; i said i wanna be ur frenz..i mean it wad i said...

i juz hope dat nx time u got any prob, can u don shrik out ur responsibities by asking me to follow dem???? since i ady choose da road den i wont REGRET!!!!

unless u make smth which make me damn dissapointed on u!!!

Jack ass

wad da hack..damn it...u r totally bias...y juz informed him n didn tell me at all...wtf!!!!

u really is f**ker jack ass...wasted my time...i not goin 2 write ur name on my blog as it will make my blog dirty....i tink u ady noe wad m i referring abt....u take everythings 4 granted!!! who do u tink u r? u r nth, dude!!! u juz a fucking bootlicker!!! dat's all...u dare 2 say u r not a bootlicker? o else how u survive until 2day? don try 2 act innocent in front of me....u damn jack ass!!!

U better leave me alone n don come n provoke me...o else i wont let u go and let u suffer like shit!!!

Blanked

2day woke up at 6smth...started played game until 7smth..get ready 2 meet my colleagues at 8am..so i started 2 brush up as fast as i could...b4 went out fr my house, i decided 2 get smth at living room...guess wad i saw? my owner r hugging each other tightly on da sofa...i was damn paiseh n walked bak 2 my room treat it as nth happened...i tink dey had sense dat i was around, so one of dem get up fr sofa n walk into washroom..hehe...if dey r my frenz, i surely take out my hp n snap da photo o make a video 4 dem...wakakkaka

After breakfast, went to Ponderosa 4 course..da course really is out of my expectations...it is not as fun as da 1st time i attended at Eden Hotel. Luckily David was around..so we keep bluetooth but dat oso a while coz his hp no battery....

On da course, i cant concentrate at all...my mind keep thinking of u..i tried 2 concentrate but it cant...how m i goin 2 get u out fr my mind? all my conversation v my frenz, surely ur name will be mentioned...i don 1 2 sink it deeply...i don noe wad 2 do now...totally blank...

Lame excuses

u might tink dat i m juz a small kid,dat's y simply gif me a lame excuses 2 stop my curiosity...don ustd dat y u not trust me? scare i leaked out ur secret? if i wanna say, sure got damn lots things 4 me 2say...but i choose 2 remain silent n support u in everything u do...however,in da end, i still cant gain ur trust!!! dis is wad make me upset da most...

i wanna make frenz v da real of u..n not da 1 who keep wearing mask...i tink u got 2 stop here..y u wanna wear a mask in front of me? scared of wad? n wad u gonna prevent? u wanna wear mask in front of other ppl, i don mind coz u wanna protect urself..i pour all my problems 2 u coz i trusted u n treat u as a part of my family but u....??really upset v ur behaviour today...

DULL

haih…damn it v my current life..
no fun..no entertainment…
m juz 21 year old…m I gonna lead dis kind of life till da end?
I don 1 dis kind of life…
work, eat n slp…damn dull….sumtimes out v frenz..dat's all
dis type of life not belong 2 me…
ARHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG……………………………

Future

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

Idiot

sigh...i dunno y u gonna treat me in dis way...m ady tried vy hard 2 pleased u...but u seems like not appreciate at all...i tried 2 talk 2 u as muj as possible...make u laugh..but u juz like 'fu yen' me....u only appreciate da person who is rite in front of u...watever u did, juz tink of dem..wad about me? transparent?

fr dis seconds, i not goin 2 care anymore...don tell me anything about ur personal things anymore...u juz treat me like a f*cking idiot..happy den talk 2 me...o else don gif me a damn...i m goin 2 lead my own life now...ur name will be permanently deleted fr my frenz list....no more dinner o yumcha v u again...dat nite will be da laz nite....

Memories

Juz now in ofiice, checking da transaction history...suddenly all da memories between us flash in my mind...think da days we had...especially at ..... n cabana...really great fun n unforgetable...sitting der, smiling alone in front of pc screen...keke....how i wish u still here..m surely wont bored...at least moz of da nite u will acc me...but now...moz of da time having dinner r alone..n oso less go 2 cabana n those pub ady...without u, really no entertainment at all...not like laz time, every thursday n friday nite, surely report at cabana and handle bar...how i wish u appear in front of me right now...

....

Even in the little time we have..

known one another..

i can't help but care 4 u...

your heart, your soul..

...and all those crazy things u do....

but after dat it gets so complicated...

...u make it so hard 4 me to even try..

u don see it fr my point of view..

..we r so far apart and i am so young...

can u leave me here alone now...i don wanna hear u say...day u noe me..dat i shld be..

alwiz doing wad u say..cause i m trying 2 get through 2day..n der's 1 thing i noe..

i don wanna tink abt u..

it's not dat i don 1 2 tink of u...

..juz dat i cant while we r...how we r..

n it's not da way u 1 me to..

..maybe 1 day, but i cant lead u on..

da things u say...

..dey get 2 me..

u make me feel so guilty..n over wad??

juz stop pushing me away n den wanting me back...

u tink u haf got me all figured out..

..but in reality u have no clue..

things were so much easier..back in da start..

u tink u noe..but really u haf no idea..

all our conversation r forgotten..n arguments take thier place...

m juz a human..wad more do u want?

m juz 1 da things bak da way dey we r...

back wen we had a laugh....n i hated it wen we r gone...

i would lose without u ...i noe u find it hard 2 believe...

i do really nid u..

closing my eyes i count to ten...life was easier..wen we juz frenz..

we used 2 be so close...

but now we can b standing right beside each other n it still feels like we r miles

apart..

Damn Perfect???

Actually wad u all care of..wad m i gonna do is my own problems..dat is my character...y i muz follow her footsteps which is not my stlye at all....n totally different fr my style...wen u all gonna ask me do smth, pls think 1st...is it suitable me...PERHAPS she do it on dat way is perfect and doesn't mean dat apply on me oso perfect...nx time don simple shoot ur mouth..wen wanna talk 2 me, pls weight urself 1st..r u dat DAMN PERFECT?? No weaknesses?

DAMN IT!!!

BoreD dAy

sad..again lead a damn bored day..
can any1 teach me how 2 lead a day v all da meaningful activities?
i wanna make good use of my every minutes..don 1 waste it again...
dunno got how many tomorrow will come..only God noe it..

If my colleagues all r youngster isnt it gd? All got families, tired and etc...
everyday not free..o put ppl aeroplane..damn fed up..

~ sAD ~

i m juz an ordinary person..will feel sad too...don tink dat everyday i m laughing n talking bullshit 2 u all..does not mean dat i m free fr trouble...who noes deep inside my heart wad m i tinking..i juz don 1 2 affect u all mood...dat's y pretend nth happened in front of u all...m juz acting strong..thousand tonned of weight inside my heart...but i cant let it out..dunno who shld i go to...althought everytime u all ask me to say out my prob..but i really don haf da mood 2 tell u all wad had happened..not dat i m not trust u all..is juz dat i don wish 2 spoiled u all moods....m dat kind of environment, u tink suitable 2 talk?????? sumtimes da consolation fr u all i really appreaciate but it does not help at all n few suggestion r not make sense at all....perhaps i shld go 4 those who older than me...

7 months

A blink of eye, m ady worked 7 mths..times really flies...in dis few mths either in worked or relationships really learned a lot..

in a big corporation, there is really lots of different kind of ppl n characteristic...damn shocked...cant imagine dat a person can haf 2 different character...later become gd ppl n after dat become devil..dis is da environment m staying now...hope dat 1 day i wont become like dat...coz i really hate dis type of ppl..if i 1day i become like dat, hope dat da ppl around me wake me up...don let me sink more deeper..

Pissed OFF!!!!!!

To those whom it concern...
Don ever come n provoke me or insult me behind my back...o else i will let u suffer..
dunno wad da hack u all doing all these f**king things..anything come n confront me n i will surely gif u a satisfied ans..u all no nid 2 rack up ur brain!!!

Graduation (15 August 2009)

3 yrs ago, dis date is da date i enrolled into Sunway College and is my 1st day of orientation day..everything seems like unfamiliar 2 me..da surroundings, people around der, da atmosphere..which is undescribable...I will nvr 4get da 1st day of my college life..

But 2day, on da same date......AH Ha...is my graduation ceremony..

Yeah...After struggling for 2 yrs 4 mths, n waited for 8 mths, finally we had proceed a formal graduation ceremony...all our hardwork are paid off..really vy happy..thanks my parents sincerely for supporting in financial, care n etc.. 2day oso receive a big bouquet of flowers fr my parents wor..:P

Really take lots of pictures v lecturers, family n classmates...(don worry, will upload da pictures nx week at facebook once Nicholas give me the pictures..). WHOAH..really miss my classmates a lot whch didn catch up v dem for almost 8 mths..we spend 3 hours at red box but didn sing..keep talk n talk for non-stop..hehe..

Sadly, you didn turn up...all da promises u make juz like da wind..blew off..o else my graduation surely will be a damn perfect ceremony..wondering whe's all da promises u had make? Juz bcoz wanna make me happy, so u simply make da promises? Btw, I oso wont blame u entirely as u r far apart...Anyway, God bless u n happy alwiz..

Cabana

It's been 1 week i'm leading my own life without u...still a bit not used it...sumtimes still will take a few minutes 2 tink of u...no matter wad, i will b strong although without u by my side...

Yeah..y'day damn fun at cabana...especially da 2 foreigners guys dance like 'hell' + disgusting..imagine a fat guy wear a singlet with a big stomach n dance der...taking up such a big place without care other ppl who is beside dem..

Our new frenz Marack, dance damn fanstatic..sumore quite handsome..attract most of da ladies at der include ehem!! ehem!! Hehe..hope nx friday will meet u up at der if got chance..

Thankz Kae Yi, June, Ah Bao, Raul and his frenz ..let me 4get all my troubles for a few hours...really is true frenz..i will nvr 4get y'day nite..really damn fun since i starting work fr feb until now..

Undescribable

Laz weekends bz attending course at pahang..damn bored..luckily Raul & Annie was around or else i dunno wad m i gonna do at there...

Whoah...i really dunno how m i going 2 describe my feeling...sad + happy + stress + frustrated & etc...

Really not in da mood to work..i tried not 2 tink but it is damn difficult...sumtimes really quite regret knowing u...my life damn mess bcoz of u..it's easy to advice ppl to let go smth but wen it occur to myself den i only realise i cant do it..really nid 2 take a lot of courage n time...

Time heals da wounds..but how long it gonna takes? Only God knows da answer!! Give me some time..i will try hard 2 stand again n back 2 Jaeryll Koh which u all had known..

Blogging

really cant imagine..in da end i end up blogging at here..wtf...haih..
cant slp but dunno gotta do wad..BP really got no place to go..no entertainment at all...sitting here blogging like an idiot...got lots of problems but dunno who to confide...can any1 lend me ur ears?